its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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