He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize