im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
