My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
