I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
