My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
