remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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