i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
