I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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