I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
