at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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