Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
