she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
