I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
