If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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