Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
