His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
