Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
