Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
