I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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