STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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