dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize