you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
