When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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