Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
