I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you win again, gameday.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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