I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
