the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
honey bunches of taint.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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