is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
