Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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