I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
