He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
