You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
