i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dicks are not precious.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
