If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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