After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
