i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize