Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize