do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
