she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
birth control should be required to get into college
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
