we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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