I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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