I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize