is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
