I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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