she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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