I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
