We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
