u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need to calm my uterus...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
