Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
