my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
