nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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