Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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