I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
