thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
