does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
