i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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