I smell stomach acid.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
