Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize