There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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