i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
