I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
