You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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