you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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