White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
