Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
