Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
