So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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