yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
