You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Buhtt sex?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We were destined to go to rehab together
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
