Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
handjob tips. give me some.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
