So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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