I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
