The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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