shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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