can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
