Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
