i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
