I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
