Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
