Hey man sorry I got all grabby
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
