Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
