No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
