Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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