yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
