As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
