Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So many bounce houses so little time
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize