You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
