I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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