ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
