census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
