I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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