Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
