i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
