Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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