Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
