Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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