I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
