he puts the penis in happiness.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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