just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
