Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
