I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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