Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
