wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
