We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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