there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
