I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
